Mid-Twenties: Social Expectations & Reality

Lately I have been struggling with what is expected of me as a young woman in her mid-twenties.  I have quite a few friends who are getting married, getting pregnant, and just growing up in general.  I am struggling with this because I am not doing any of these things, except for growing up a little, which to me is slightly depressing.  Even though I am 24 I don't feel any older than I did when I was in college.  I still struggle with similar issues and still aspire to become more than I am now.  I still feel as lost as I did when I was just 18.  I don't know if this is normal for someone my age, but it is what it is.

I am deathly afraid that I won't ever shift into a state of adulthood, true adulthood.  I think some people go on living as youthful post graduates forever.  Living ridiculous lives without real control and habit for years after they have graduated from University.  I am definitely a part of this ridiculous group at this point in my life, making excuses for not reaching the next level of being an adult.  I am full of excuses and pray that one day I will run out of excuses and be forced to change my life completely.  I honestly strive for something dramatic to happen in order to shake me into the next life stage, when in reality the change will only come when I decide to make the next step.

I am jealous and sad a lot of the time.  And for what reason?  I think it's because I feel left behind, even though I don't really even see myself married in a long time from now, or even married at all.  I am jealous because I think it would be easier to be straight and married and taking the traditional path in life.  I am jealous because my friends are making their parents happy by including them in these next steps and I feel like I can't deliver, like I am letting my parents down.  I am jealous because I feel lonely from time to time and don't think I would feel this way if I had found my life partner and we were always making plans together.

I feel like I have no control over this part of my life.  You can't snap your fingers and be playing board games with other young married couples and be married yourself for that matter.  You can't snap your fingers and ensure your mom that you really are okay even if you're not.  I know the white picket fence with 2.5 kids and a golden retriever isn't what it is made out to be, but sometimes I can't help but wonder.